SML Counselling

We are engaged in a never-ending, real-time conversation with ourselves. This internal talk has direct and substantial consequences on your mental and physical health. If it is positive, you are energised and strong and you are able to open new possibilities for achievement and success. If it is negative, it reflects your personal truth. What you say, feel and do is shown to the world with all sorts of negative messages. It becomes an automatic response to every event and situation you encounter and it is very powerful. Your thoughts control your every move, every decision and every reaction. It predicts and controls your thinking and behaviour and therefore the outcome of situations. Ultimately, it will limit and influence your perception of your basic worth as a human being. Often, if any information contradicts the opinion you hold about yourself or others, our brains will reject or delete it in some way. You are the only one who can control your self-talk and here are some steps on how to achieve that.

1. Capture your thoughts and beliefs

When you notice any negative change in your behaviour or mood, pay a close attention to your self-talk, capture your negative thought about yourself, others or a particular situation. Calmly analyse them and then eliminate unnecessary information and replace them with a positive statement. By putting a positive light on these negative conversations with yourself, you can observe, evaluate and challenge them from inside out.

2. Write down what you are telling yourself

Keep a diary and write down daily what you have been telling yourself about your looks, career, friends, intelligence, skills, abilities and your worth. This will help you develop an understanding of your self-talk. Check every statement, if it is pessimistic, blaming, self-defeating or self-condemning; replace it with a positive statement.

3. Rate your thought and beliefs

You will always be challenged by external forces in your life and this may trigger your negative self-talk. As humans, we are susceptible to the negatives and quite often, an expert at blocking out the positives. We process and assign a weight and meaning to every event in our lives. Your self-talk has particular patterns which may include fear, worry, anxiety, blame, and pessimism. The more you surrender to it the worst it gets.

Whenever you find yourself in a situation that triggers your negative self-talk, think about the facts, not your perception of the situation. Ask yourself whether your self-talk is factual or an assumption and whether it is getting you closer to what you want or holding you back. Don’t accept the excuses of your own self-talk, challenge them and don’t let them talk for you.

4. Visualisation

Visualisation can be a powerful tool to transform your thought processes. Try this exercise:

Every day, write down several negative thoughts you have been telling yourself. Then, imagine yourself saying it louder to a  friend who respects you or a kind stranger, visualise their reaction and write it down. Would they ignore you or get angry, would they react positively or negatively?

Now, visualise that someone else is criticising and belittling you, would you stay calm or react. Write down your thoughts and feelings. With this practice, you will become more conscious about what thoughts are not acceptable and need to be replaced.